Sex in Te Aro: A Complete Guide

Staying in Wellington and want to know what Te Aro has to offer in the sex stakes?

The Wellington suburb of Te Aro has a population of just 12,000 people and relies on the big city for most of its needs; from education to employment, retail to leisure. However, when it comes to nightlife and entertainment it’s Wellington that relies on Te Aro to come up trumps.

In this guide, we give you a summary of what Te Aro has that Wellington doesn’t. From strip clubs to brothels, massage to escorts, Te Aro offers the lot.



Just 1km outside of the city, Te Aro is known for being New Zealand’s entertainment capital, with art house film theatres, clubs, bars and restaurants. When the CBD slows up, the party is just getting started in Te Aro with the adult entertainment world being some of the last to close up shop.

Te Aro Strip Clubs

The Mermaid Wellington

73 Courtenay Place, Wellington

Tel: +64 4 385 0552

http://www.themermaid.co.nz/

Situated directly next to the St James Theatre, The Mermaid operates two venues in NZ; the other in Auckland. The Mermaid Wellington is an upmarket gentleman’s club offering a range of strip dancing, seductive private shows and extravagant stage entertainment. The venue also provides live sports coverage so you need never make the choice between the match and the snatch again.

Mermaid strip club

The Mermaid Strip Club is a popular haunt for locals and tourists to Wellington. Image via website.

Open seven days a week, happy hour is run from 7.00pm to 9.00pm every night with Tuesdays being ladies night; free entry for the girls.

Calendar Girls Strip Club

13 Dixon St, Te Aro, Wellington

Tel: +64 4 974 5588

http://www.calendargirls.co.nz/

The Calendar Girls strip club has a big reputation in NZ, not only for being one of the country’s best gentleman’s clubs but also for its creative and higly active self-promotion. This mannequin challenge completed in November 2016 was well received by loyal fans as well as getting plenty of views worldwide.

The entertainment is first rate and includes stunning aerial silk displays as well as private dances and well-choreographed routines on the main stage.

A five-star venue, the club operates from three venues; Christchurch, Auckland and Wellington. The club is open from Tuesday to Saturday from 7.00pm to 4.00am. Entry is free before 11.00pm and the management offer a full refund if you don’t think the club lives up to its reputation.

Santa Fe Dream Girls

37 Dixon St, Te Aro, Wellington

Tel: +64 4 385 9491

http://www.happypants.co.nz/dreamgirls/

The Santa Fe Dreams Girls strip club is an informal bar and nightclub offering lap dances from a bevy of sexy women. The club also operates a bordello service (see ‘Happy Pants’ below)

Opening hours for Santa Fe Dream Girls are as follows:

  • Monday: Closed
  • Sunday and Tuesday: 8.30pm to 3.00am
  • Wednesday to Thursday: 8.30pm to 4.00am
  • Friday and Saturday: 8.30pm to 6.00am

Erotic Massage

CJ’s Massage and Spa

176 Victoria Street, Te Aro, Wellington

Tel: 04 385 3128

http://www.justgirls.co.nz/wellington-massage-parlours/167

Offering erotic massage services in Te Aro, CJ’s has an excellent local reputation for providing satisfaction to their clients. We hear that happy endings are not only guaranteed but also a shade more happy than most. The spa is open from 10am, seven days a week until 6pm (later on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays).

Naked

Te Aro, Wellington 6011

Tel: +64 27 251 7511
http://www.sensualmassagewellington.co.nz

Operated by the Funhouse brothel, Naked offers more than just a sensual massage. The club offers fantasy massage services with full costume and role play available as well as nude massage, all the better to accommodate full body slides.

As a brothel, the endings are always happy and the masseurs can accommodate some quite kinky requests. Extras are also available but will need to be paid for but, it goes without saying, the massage isn’t the main reason people rave about the place. If you want a good deep tissue rub then head somewhere else, if you want your head rubbed then you’re in the right place.

Brothels

Il Bordello

146 Vivian St, Te Aro, Wellington

www.il-bordello.co.nz

Te Aro’s luxury brothel, Il Bordello offers a five-star service with some exceptionally good looking escorts for in-call services. The venue is well decorated and maintained with attention to detail on all aspects of your experience. Il Bordello is part of the Mermaid Strip Club group. More than just an ordinary sex club, the bar is an experience in itself and makes choosing your hostess a pleasure.

il bordello brothel te aro

More than just a brothel, Il Bordello is a luxury gentleman’s club. Image via website.

Rates are higher than at other venues on account of the ‘premium experience’ and are charged as follows:

Duration/Service Charge
60 minutes $250
VIP 60 minutes (with spa bath) $280
Bi Double $580

Il Bordello is open seven days a week from 7.00pm to 8.00am.

Happy Pants

37 Dixon Street, Te Aro, Wellington

http://www.happypants.co.nz/

A side offering from the Santa Fe Dream Girls strip club comes the Happy Pants brothel. This sounds more like a promise than a sheer marketing ploy and the in-house escorts have a good reputation for their versatility, flexibility and open-minded service. Rates are reasonable for city prices and can be paid via credit card of Eftpos (additional charges apply):

Rates are charged as follows:

Duration/Service Charge
20 minutes $100
30 minutes $150
60 minutes $200
2 Ladies $360
Fantasy $350

The club offers a specialist B&D mistress, details (and prices) are available on request.

Opening hours for the Happy Pants bordello are as follows:

  • Sunday and Monday: Closed
  • Tuesday to Thursday: 9.00pm until late
  • Friday: Noon to 6.00am
  • Saturday: 9.00pm to 6.00am

Funhouse

http://www.funhouse.co.nz/

The Funhouse has many selling points; an internationally acclaimed venue, an award winning madam and, what is widely reported to be, the best girlfriend experience in New Zealand. Whilst we can’t claim that this is true, we can report that customer testimonials offer their full support.

Funhouse te aro wellington brothel sex NZ

At Funhouse, you get what you ask for so be careful. Image via website.

Funhouse has been open since 2005 and delivers its service in a luxury hotel style venue. The girls working their books are of a high quality and are vetted personally by Madam Mary. They also offer massage and escort services.

The Funhouse is open as follows:

  • Monday to Thursday: 9.00am to 9.00pm
  • Friday: 9.00am to 8.00pm
  • Saturday: 11.00am to 7.00pm
  • Sunday and Public Holidays: 12.00pm to 6.00pm

Funhouse caters for all kinds of kink including fetish, tie & tease, dungeon experiences as well as porn star experiences.

Featured image via Funhouse.

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